its not that long since you told me,
and i am surprised the world has not changed,
there is still that bright sunshine,
hurting the eyes,
the same birds still chirp, ever noisily,
i wonder what they are so happy about,
and all around me, i see the same people,
going about their daily business,
cracking the same jokes,making the same complains,
enjoying life the same as they used to,
i wonder why they dont see anything different.
i wonder why it hasnt rained, or even been cloudy,
why the weather is not stormy,why there is no thunder?
but perhaps it is just my imagination,
and it is as it was meant to be.

and yet the world has changed a bit,perhaps,
i dont know,
was it always like this,
or do i spend a little more time staring at the ceiling these days?
did i not notice earlier, or am i smoking more these days?
and are those shapes really emerging in the smoke,
or is it just my imagination?
why do i leap to my phone whenever i hear a ringtone?
did i always hate disturbances,
or am i living more in solitude now?
was i always lonely and afraid of the dark,
or is it just that i am scared of my thoughts now?

i try not to think of you,
keep myself busy,
isnt it ironic,
that i am eating more chocolates now that you are gone and will never know?
i remember you chiding me,for being a loner,
you should see me now,
the time i spend with friends,
or is it just that i am scared of my solitude,
which i while away,
listening to the same songs,staring at the same ceiling,
smoking the same cigarettes, and looking at the now familiar smoke patterns,
wishing you had not gone,and knowing that you have,
and that this time,you are not coming back.

why did we have so little time?
why were you so scared of the consequences?
did you not believe that i would have fought the world for you?
did you think i was weak because i did not give up smoking?
did you think our love was not worth it?
or should i say my love?
because i wonder now,
did you ever love me then?
did i fail to foster trust?
did you not believe that i planned to stand by you for ever?

i know you will not answer these questions.
i know these are mine,
and probably you yourself dont know.
but you are not around now,
i will never hear you voice now,nor you mine,
because you will not come back,
and i will be left with these questions,your legacy,
but still,i cant help staring at the ceiling,and asking,
WHYYYYYY????

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