arbitrary thoughts

Posted on | March 25, 2008 | Comments Off

i have been a bit existential, of late. i dont know why..probably it is the times that be. i have been wondering about life and death..being and not being…i wonder what it will be like when i go.i have never really thought about what will happen when i go.probably i do not much care,either.i do wonder about the way i will go.i know that like all things in life,i would like to be gone quietly,without any fuss.like a lightbulb,maybe..on now,off the next moment.and not to be missed by anyone.i will have lived an ordinary life,quiet,unnoticed..and probably would like to go away quietly..unnoticed..not missed by anyone,not cared for by anyone.there is a streak in me which says i would like to go among strangers,surrounded by nobody who knows me,just another statistic in a list of statistics..a john doe..unmissed by everyone..known to a few,but never really cared for by anyone..always living among strangers and dying among strangers too..
i probably would not like to be burned,even though i am a hindu..burial would be nice..or maybe donate whatever organs that are working till that time to some medical research institution, and the rest to some anatomy lab..or maybe,in a zorastrian tower of silence..
i certainly do not want to be remembered after i go..not in a small way by a small number of people like my family or friends..i do not want to be a memory that causes pain..and i do not want to be remembered by a lot of people..like a figure in a history book,causing a lot of paina and grief to unknown un-named students of future generations..i would like my only legacy to be no legacy..the world can take care of itself..i just want silence to follow me,as it accompanies me now..silence..and a comfortable anonymity in whatever afterworld i go to…

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