illusions

Posted on | April 3, 2008 | No Comments

i nurse my loneliness,
preserving it,seeding it,irrigating it,
and harvesting my crop of sadness..
i sprinkle it with vodka,
inhaling the fragrance of gloom,
pervading my life,saturating my senses,
allowing me to focus on my loss,
which is the only thing i have,
desperately clinging to it..

the vodka is a good friend,
gives me different flavours of life,
enriching my madness,with
that soft,comfortable pain,
or the throbbing heartache,
the quiet desperation of not having,
a warm loneliness that spreads on me like a cocoon.

vodka gives many things,
irascible madness,and mad joy,
noisy silences and silent clamour,
soft deperation and desperate love,
violent dreams and a dreamy,still violence.
vodka gives many things,
but from it i take,
memories,pictures hanging on the walls of the past,
images of you; and me, in happier times,
and voices speaking in the bacckground,
speaking of livelier times..
and the blooming of dreams,
like colourful butterflies fluttering crazily,
or like children playing..

but intoxication,like childhood,
doesnt last for ever,
and quiet dreams,like watery eyes,
dry away.
and i wake up,to find myself,
all alone,
waiting for the illusion to arrive again.

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