vacations

end terms are over right now,and in a day or two i shall be going home.away from my laptop,phones,the internet and any other sort of connectivity.three weeks of holidays starting now,though i will hopefully be back in two weeks (if i can last that long at home) to start work on my dissert.
i generally get [...]

making fun of love

**i was talking to DJ and Amresh Sir about abooks today.literateurs,that is what they are.after them,i feel i wasted my time reading so much,because i have not yet read anything!sometimes i feel so shallow.
**middle of endterms two papers tomorrow and a beer and a vodka
**something reminded me of this conversation arbitly…probably during 3rd year,or start [...]

madness

another night of insomnia followed by sleep after six i dont know when.had a paper at nine,and it was a day of madness.Pankaj bhaiya left his exam to wake me up at 9 30.entered exam when half an hour of the 90 minute paper was already gone,and found that the paper was even madder.managed to [...]

holy cow

finding of a research in the dentifrice business: many people use dried cow dung for brushing teeth.
somehow, bullshit doesnt seem to meet the case!!

gulabi ankhen

i remember once seeing the video sitting with papa long years ago,in chitrahaar on the old onida black and white we have at home.my only memory was trying to control my laughter as the actor,who i used to remember was jeetendra,jumping and “dancing” around trying to woo the actress.
i did like the song very much,and [...]

maybe

and maybe i love you,
like i did my father,
and mother,
in a suspended imagination,
you are just as unreal,
as they,
and idea representing an ideal,
sometimes i have loved you,
and mostly hated you,
like myself,
you are me,
and every ounce of hatred i owe me,
and all the love i never gave myself,

installment child

i have been sad,earlier too,
sitting in front of my computer in the ambiguous gloom of the morning
i have allowed myself to sink into darkness as the world lifted itself into light,
alone,struggling against my thoughts
i have lived in dreams,earlier too.
mourning a childhood,lost living out of cramped trunks,
and wardrobes with sliding doors in unknown,but familiar,rooms,
shared by three [...]

alone

and so, in the night,
quietly,
you walk away again,
leaving me alone,again,
to fight the hours,
and the insomnia,
breathing smoke,burned in my heart,
night after plaintive night,
just alone…
wearing my loneliness,
like a cloak around me,
my loneliness,
swirling around me,
like rings of smoke,
i think i miss you too,
or is it just-
i miss you?
maybe without knowing what i miss,
or why?
in the night,
i am alone.
just [...]

bewazah

main khidkiyon ke parde gira deta hoon,
udaas raat me thake huye chand ki roshni se door,
tanha baitha,uljhe huye khayalon me khoya,
bun.te rahta hoon main nit naye jaal,
aur fans.te rehta hoon bechain sa un.mein,
jab main jhunjhala jaata hoon khud se,
main andhere me khud ko chhupa leta hoon.
tanhayee bikher deti betarteeb umeedon ke panne,
aur simat.ne lagti hai [...]

driftwood

something is taking over me, and somehow the days seem to pass to fast and yet in a sort of blurred slow motion which rises all around me,engulfing me in its almost palpable sickly sweetness which makes cigarettes taste burnt on the tongue and life…well…life just seems…like i am a spectator in a ring side [...]