of chocolate cake,coffee and cigarettes

Posted on | October 15, 2008 | 4 Comments

another sleepless,futile night

i did not start studying even today

started the day…no,that is all wrong…the day did not start actually,because the previous one never ended,right?anyways…went to dadu’s for a slice of chocolate cake followed by coffee and cigarettes.notice all the c’s?

by trying to cut down on cigarettes, i have been smoking more and more of them

i have been sleeping less and less and yet more.in the past six days i have never slept before five in the morning

four of those days i did not sleep at all

i am losing weight very fast

jogging is at a standstill

uninstalled and reinstalled my OS twice in three days.painful.all the issues are not sorted yet

i am sick of my laptop.i promise myself that when i can afford to,i will set to it with a hammer

i have not even been feeling like writing anything

frustration is building very rapidly.i feel like i will explode

a junior of me keeps asking me career related questions.i find this ironic,because i am probably the least career conscious guy in college

i want to kill someone

i cannot stand normalcy.my heart craves for change.every day.every hour.sometimes every minute

ergo,i get bored very soon.lately these durations have been decreasing

so i sometimes induce changes for change’s sake…even at cost to me

soon i will be flat out broke

airtel guys are all bastards

i am indolent.that contrasts with me previous statement.so,refinement.i change when it does not involve me getting out of my bed and starting work

i am a contradiction.i keep changing everything i can quite easily.but nothing for which i have to work

i have lost the capacity or will to work

SHE has been getting back on my nerves

i think i might even be missing her

i tried calling her

once yesterday.and once the day before

unconscious acts.the fingers almost automatically dialed her number

first time she did not pick up.next day i could not get through

i hate myself for calling her

i hate her even more for not picking up or calling back

i hate being unable to sleep or think in a straight line

i have been bunking classes so i can sleep during the day

i wish i had work to do and not meaningless papers to read and summaries to do and projects to write which dont mean anything

i miss her

i think i still love her

i think i will always love her

i am an idiot

she will never come back.even if she does,i will push her again

the above statement is a fallacy.it is a sort of internal contradiction

i have been listening to the songs of raincoat incessantly

piya tora kaisa abhimaan is very good.the poem by gulzar is awesome

i want to die.i will not

i wish i would though.

mornings always make me sad.they make me think of her.they make me wish it was evening so i could call her

evenings are worse.i know i should call her.but i dont.because i dont know if she will pick up.and i dont know what to say if she does

i wish my life was on some sort of track.sometimes i think it would be nice to know what i am trying to do with my life

and why

S.H.E.like chocolate,coffee and cigarettes,and more than them,she is a reason to live.

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