Rings of Smoke

Where shall the word be found, where will the word | Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence

interview

Posted on | February 12, 2009 | 4 Comments

well…crp is just around the corner. since i have to practice hard for it, leave no stone unturned i dont see myself getting any shortlists, and hence no interviews…i thought i would practice a mock interview anyways, to satisfy my curiosity about the real interviews. most the questions taken are from the indicative list the junis so thoughtfully mailed us, to assist in our preparation.

[i hope know you are all smart enuf to understand it, but just for the record...Q represents questioner and A reperesnts the answer offered by the Interviewee]

Q. Why are you applying for this particular job?
A: Sir…the role that you offer will…er…em…er…the money! Oh, and there is the recession, of course…you understand…it is such a bad situation…there werent any other jobs to apply to!!

Q: What do you know about our company?
A: Sir, last time you came to our campus and took 4 ppl and offered a package of 14L…this time round you say you will take only 1 and are offering a package of 8.5 [mean bastards that you are]

Q: What makes you qualified for this particular job?
A: Well…my MBA…and…my enthusiasm…and er…well…erm…my MBA…and…you know,I have…erm…my MBA!!! Oh, and I can sign cheques!!

Q: Tell us about a complex problem in which you have been…and what did you do to solve it?
A: Sir, i have never been in any complex problems but i am exceptional in causing complex problems to those around me. Oh, and generally they are not solved whatever steps you may take.

Q: What can you do for us that someone else cannot?
A: Well, sir…for one, i can assure you that I will never leave my job undone. In fact, I do my job so well, that after i have finished, often other people are found to be working on it. To study my techniques, you know. You know how it is…You know, what ever I do, I finish it completely…leave nothing left of it…I mean, nothing of the job left, of course. I can assure you, you will never regret hiring me.

Q: Why did you leave your last job?
A: Sir, i never left a job…no sir, and whenever i had to depart a job, i made sure that they will remember me for years and years afterwards.

Q: Do you work better in teams or independently?
A: Sir…i am going to become a manager…a manager is one who manages other people who actually do the work…now other people can only do the work if there is a team…obviously i believe in all the values of team work, and will make sure that i have to manage the least meaning i will make others to work their butts off till the job is done.

Q: How long will it take you to start making a meaningful contribution?
A: Oh, right from day one, Sir. You know, I came here to this B-School, and started making meaningful contributions right from day one, even in class. Of course, you know, the professors here, they are like all academics…have their heads buried so deep in the sand they never recognized my “meaningful contribution enriched with practical experience”. Dont you worry sir, my contribution to you organization will be so meaningful that even years after i have left, people will still be working on it…[trying to control the damage].

Q: What were your main responsibilities in your past job?
A: Everything, sir. I was always held responsible for everything. In fact,that is why I had to leave that job.

Q: How did you do in college?
A: Oh college was wonderful, sir. I mean, I really made a mark for myself. I was always taking initiative, and doing new things that got even the professors surprised. I was known as a mould breaker, sir, you know, far from the crowd. Always at the head of something or the other…like the time i organized “how many beers can you drink in one swig each eating only onions in between”…or the time I worked with the NGOs to reduce the stray dog population in the city…I led a group of five which caught the stray dogs, fed them bhang laced biscuits,tied dog collars and string and let them into the lawns of the bunglows near our college…problem solved…dogs got off the streets, bunglow owners got free pets…

Q(wiping the sweat off his brow): Er, that was good, thank you. I think that will be all. Before you go, Do you have any questions you want to ask me?
A: well, sir…how long will it take for me to reach CEO in your company?

Questioner collapses…

N.B. This is purely imaginary. I was never part of such an interview, nor do I intend to be. All respect and appreciation is due to the people who prepared the mock question sets for us to prepare. And yes, I never let street dogs loose in other people’s homes.

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Comments

4 Responses to “interview”

  1. Pritam
    February 12th, 2009 @ 12:44 pm

    :D:D

  2. mithun
    February 12th, 2009 @ 2:55 pm

    :)

  3. Anupriya Sinha
    February 14th, 2009 @ 4:12 pm

    :):):):)

  4. Utpal
    February 22nd, 2009 @ 8:21 am

    still laughing :)

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