Rings of Smoke

These poems do not live: it's a sad diagnosis.

walls

Posted on | September 3, 2009 | 1 Comment

Part-I

we keep thinking,
whether to talk,
behind the veil
of grey evenings
and dystopic nights,
sleepless in the dark,
small lies and insignificant truths…

i cannot stand
this silence
heavy with stiffness
hanging between us
like a faded portrait
sepia tones of fading brilliance
being lost in greyness

small lies i think
i will tell you,
fan the sparks again,
some colours,to retouch this life…

Part-II

there are no words,
anymore,
we are hiding behind walls,
tall layers of ennui,
behind which
we stay safe,
indifferent,to each other,
pretending to be living,
merely alive.
social animals,
isolated from the world,
perhaps we prefer,
a safe loneliness.

Part-I was written in search of a happy ending.in the search of some form of completion.true to form,i could not complete it.the two parts are independent poems,brought together by the bleak irony of circumstance.i could not complete part-I and wrote part-II instead.

something is very wrong somewhere.i am getting very weary of life.i have know for the past the few days that i am probably suffering from delayed sleep phase syndrome, and maybe the beginnings of atypical depression.jogging has come to a halt,and so has study.one day i got very enthu about it started working on my dissert,read thru some 15-20 papers in one morning.and then zero.i cannot summon enough energy or urgency.i attend classes still,more as a chore than anything.thats the word i have been looking for all along.chore.life seems like a chore.being done because someone said it has to be done,mechanically,unenthusiastically.i talk with people,mingle,smile,laugh at their jokes,say a few words of mine…because i am expected to.and that seems to be all.parents are calling me home for deepawali.i know that i will not go because there is so much work to do here.and i know that even if i stay i will not be able to do any work.catch-22.sometimes,i just hate to be alive.

Post Script: This poem was originally published on 22nd oct,2008. Typically,I have not yet managed to complete Part-I…i guess thats its fate. Republishing it with the original postscript…though sleep is OK rest of the life,after nearly one year and so many pay-cheques later-life seems the same…only classes have been replaces by work.

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Comments

One Response to “walls”

  1. Cuckoo
    October 22nd, 2008 @ 7:23 am

    Shall I tell you something honestly ? It looks like the first part is inspired by my poem which I had shared with you. Same thought, same feelings.

    What happened ? Go home even if it is for 2 days and take a break from this routine.

  • About The Line under the Blog Name

    The lines generally are from some poem which I have, at some point of time or the other, loved. I do not mean, by including them, to be snotty or pretentious- but I would love it if you could identify the lines, and take much joy if you were interested enough to search them and read the original poems. If not- you can ignore them.

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