us

Posted on | November 16, 2009 | No Comments

A white bird-feather floats into the room, dancing in little whorls in the wind eddies created by the fan, like little children playing ring-a-ring in pretty little circles; I can see every single hair follicle on the feather move, dance to the tune of the wind, rising up in the air, and then dipping and again, and again, white feather with a zillion brushy follicles soft kind gentle like the hands of angels in translucent caresses…watching it is almost, but not quite, like feeling your touch on my skin- gentle, warm, soft, so….alive- it brings a feeling almost like peace, a forlorn sort of peace, the comfort of just being, for a moment, just existing in the relaxed amniotic warmth of togetherness, of looking at your face- animated with a thousand expressions of life and joy and a quick thoughtful spark in your eyes which brings a touch of gravitas to those eyes so deep so mesmerizing so vocal those eyes black like a sea of black pearls smiling radiantly in brilliant sunshine till I remember that you are not there, that you will never be there and the whole half real half imagined universe comes crashing down in a heap of rubble lost among which are fragmented dreams, unfulfilled desire, unrequited love and a lifetime, almost, but not quite, spent in search of you and the elusive comfort of togetherness- and a gentle granular amorphous dust which is all that is left of dreams , the zillion moments which were half-real-half-imagined, of playfully shy smiles shared when no one was looking, hasty kisses blown and caught in the pesky air of crowded places, gentle touches exchanged in snatched moments still felt on the tingling skin, the comfortable silences shared in those precious few minutes of privacy- and a feeling of unreality like the silvery mist that comes in from the sea on forlorn evenings vaguely reminiscent of an inexact feeling of despair- I know that even though unreal, you were very real and I still need you and I still probably love you and you will always be there even when you were not really there when you said you would be, and that you were unreal even though you said you were real, and that despite the unreality, you will always be very real, you presence always around me, almost like a palpable, physical omniscience which you are because you live not in my world but in my being and I will never be able to expel you from there-even though I realize that its all just a dream, another impossible dream involving you in a line of so many impossible dreams involving you.

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