happy new year

a year walks in,and another goes by,
ushered out on the wings of dark night,
its way lighted by the glittering confetti of diamond stars,
shimmering,shillouetted,vibrating,melting,
like cloud shadows fleeting across waning moons…
night is not a celebration though,
tormented,distraught,mutilated remnant of happy dreams,
and the wind!the wind!
it keeps visiting me this night,
like an unremitting, relentless courtier,
whispering its fingers through my hair,
running [...]

silence

look at the moon now,
it is strange,
crumpled,like an ugly,yellowish lump of paper
someone took it out of the dustbin,
and stuck it up there,to mock us.
the stars seem to be a cosmic parody,
of the earthly lights,burning all around me,
glittery,loud,brittle,mocking the moon we shared.
oh,and the oceans have gone silent,
truculent,and moody like cantankerous old men,
they either go quiet for [...]

black and white

i wore black today,
a sort of mourning costume,
sharp,sleek,shiny like grief,
without any patterns,filigree or needlework,
a uniform dark in the light of the day.
and in the night there was a powercut,
forcing me to light a candle,
flickering yellow,uncertain,
a dishevelled light,
which created patches of non-darkness on my dress,
and some,darker shadows,
so much like the way our love has been…
but with [...]

rebuff

there is this small matter,
of wounds and pain,
between you and me,
an ancient enmity…
a small,temporary issue,
i keep telling myself,
every time when i resolve,
not to speak to you again…
an issue of life and death,
and the limbo in between,
everynight,when i go to bed in the cold,
huddled like a small child,
wanting to wrap you around me…
an ancient enmity,
where we [...]

nine rupees worth of irritation

sleep is late,again,
and time has slowed down,
creeping on idle waves of inane music,
sometimes rebellious,sometimes pining,
in a disheartened sort of way,
like a lazy,dying fire.
i go to the canteen,
to get some insipid,watery coffee,
and a cigarette,
nine rupees worth of irritation for you,
if you knew,
i have not yet stopped smoking,
another broken promise,
in a slew…
why is sleep slow to come,
even [...]

of chocolate cake,coffee and cigarettes

another sleepless,futile night
i did not start studying even today
started the day…no,that is all wrong…the day did not start actually,because the previous one never ended,right?anyways…went to dadu’s for a slice of chocolate cake followed by coffee and cigarettes.notice all the c’s?
by trying to cut down on cigarettes, i have been smoking more and more of them
i [...]

night

couldn’t sleep even tonight,even though i have been nursing a bad cold and been feverish.spent the night downloading papers for my dissert,i think i am going to have to scrap half the stuff i earlier read.sad situation.first i dont work.then half the work goes down the drain enhances my knowledge but has no use for [...]

moment

the windows are closed,
and the curtains pulled,
and opacity is back in life.
no wind rustles these curtains,
nothing disturbs the old books,
grimy,dusty pages are not opened,
and an ersatz,uneasy peace reigns.
the nights are empty,
and a silent noise fills up the space,
pretentious music hangs in the air,
and the orderly bookshelf assumes a fake dignity.
a fragile life is being lived,
a [...]

dolor

i want to cry,
to sob into my pillow silently,
to shed tears out of the corners of my eyes,
and feel their warmth running down my face,
to feel their wash cleansing me,
i want to empty myself of you,
to forget you,my darling,
i am full of you,right now,
typing finger by finger,as i am this,now,
looking with a tired heart as [...]

the wind

last night,i left the windows open.
and,i think,the wind came in here,
when i woke up in the morning,
the pages of the old books were scattered,
the dust blown off their covers,
and the old,forgotten words stand proud,
majestic in their desolation…
i think the wind came here last night,
the windows were open,
and even the cobwebs are scattered,
jolted out of their [...]